Okay, you may want to stand back for this one! I am in one of those mean moods where I don't care what I am about to say but then later I look back and say, "dude, you are over dramatic man."

Well, first let me say that my girlfriend and I are calling it quits. So that has me in a really really bad place right now. I am not going to get into all the particulars about it but let's just say that I know we need this time away but it is very upleasant. I miss her and I hate this terrible feeling that I have in the pit of my stomach. Will it go away? Sure, eventually. But in the meantime, the second hand on my watch is reminding me of how precious my time really is and what am I doing with it? I mean, really. What am I doing with my life.

I hate my job. I want to go back to school and am very hopeful that I will but it is somewhat an overwhelming process when I start to think about it. In the end, I know that it will be the best thing I could ever do for myself. In the meantime, I am scared and worried about my finances. I am concerned about how I can make this all work and still survive. Will I fail? Will I fall completely on my face? I guess I'll never know if I don't do something. I just need to get past all of this insecurity first. And the only way I know how to do that is by just doing it. If it's mean to be it will!

Well, I was going to talk about my frustration with the MET and the Comedy Pigs but now that doesn't seem as important. I will just say that there are a lot of expectations about putting up an original show but not a lot of support. Where's the support? I have no clue how we are going to get a show on its feet by mid-July when we don't have a concept that we all agree on, no director or stage crew for that matter, and a bunch of chiefs and no indians. It worries me. I mean my Baltimore troop is doing a fully improvised play in December and our director has already begun to work on the concepts and mechanics for it because there is a matrix to make it work and come together.

Anyway, that's all I can say for right now because I think my emotions are tied up in other directions right now. This is when I have to be careful what I say to people and what I think. I have a tendency to get very negative when I think things are fallen apart. And they may not be right now but it's my perception at the moment because of uncontrollable circumstances. My wants not being met.

Life is just tough sometimes. Here I am in my mid 30's and there doesn't seem to be much stability. I have all these goals and, while they don't seem out of reach, they aren't close at hand. I would love to be one of those "go lucky' guys, who has the world by the....well, you know...by the cajones.